Planning for the end of your own life is a sensitive topic, but one which should be considered by every adult.
Cara Seekings is a consultant for Chautauqua County Health Network who is trained to help people take the steps to prepare themselves for the inevitable that can also be unthinkable. But because even the healthiest life can end up on the brink of death at any moment, it is important for every adult to take the time to think about what would matter most should life come to an end, Ms. Seekings said.
''For each of us, that's different,'' she said. ''To some people, it's really important to be kept alive until their family gathers in. ... But each of us has very different values and very different rules for what matters to us at the end of our life.''
No matter what is important, though, thinking and talking about the inescapable with loved ones is a step all should take, she said.
''Nobody invites 42 people to dinner without planning, yet we go skipping to the end of our life like it does not exist,'' Ms. Seekings said. ''The inevitable is, for each of us, that 800-pound gorilla is really in the room - at some point we're going to face our end of life.''
CHOOSING A PROXY
In the shadow of recent cases such of that of Terry Schiavo, a Florida woman kept on life support for 15 years in a vegetative state amid a legal battle about her quality of life or lack thereof, Ms. Seekings said it is very important for people to do more than just think about if they would want to be artificially kept alive - they need to communicate those wishes with a designated health care proxy.
''A health care proxy is someone you can absolutely trust to put their own feelings aside and to honor yours,'' Ms. Seekings said, adding that a health care proxy can be anyone over the age of 18. ''You pick someone who can stand up to the system and in crisis can say, 'As much as I hate this, I will honor (your) wishes.'''
Going one step further, the relationship between a person and his or her health care proxy is made official by filling out a legal document. While there a number of different forms that New York state will recognize as official health care proxy documents, Ms. Seekings said she prefers CCHN's because of its straight-forward nature.
''It contains no legalese, no medicalese, nothing confusing,'' she said. ''It's a one-page form that allows you to name that person and name an alternate.''
Naming an alternate proxy is another important step, Ms. Seekings said, because the person who is entrusted as a proxy is often someone that is very close to an individual - meaning there is a chance that if one person finds him- or herself severely injured and on the verge of death, the other may as well.
''Should we be in a car accident together, what possible use would that be?'' Ms. Seekings said. ''That's why I always tell people to name an alternate.''
Another tip she gives to people when they are choosing proxies is to keep their proximity in mind. Children may be close in mind and spirit, she said, but if they are more than three hours of driving distance away, they may not be of much help in an immediate emergency.
More than just picking a proxy, though, people need to actually sit down and have a conversation - a sometimes difficult conversation - with their proxies about what should be done in case of emergency. If a health care proxy is unable to speak knowledgeably about a patient's wishes, Ms. Seekings said, the law is clear - the patient will be artificially fed in an emergency situation.
''That may be totally against what you want, or it may be totally what you want,'' Ms. Seekings said. ''Whatever you want is fine, but you have to make sure people know it. So you sit down and talk about this stuff, and it's sometimes a very difficult conversation, but we have tools to help you initiate those conversations, to talk about why it matters.''
Information about health care proxies is kept in a secure online registry that is available to hospitals, health care provides and EMS personnel, saving valuable time when tragedy strikes.
'VESTA' TO BE PRESENTED
While Ms. Seekings often goes around the county giving presentations to community and professional groups about end-of-life planning, CCHN will present a different type of look at the subject Friday at Park United Methodist Church in Sinclairville.
''Vesta,'' a play written by Bryan Harnetiaux, will be presented at the church in two readers' theater-style showings at 2 and 7 p.m. on that day. Showing Vesta, an elderly woman at the end of her life, the play demonstrates the difficult decisions she and her family must face during her final days.
Ms. Seekings said the play is a very interesting look at what happens along the way as a person comes face to face with the reality that is death.
''Her life changes and there are decisions that she and her family must face,'' Ms. Seekings said. ''I think 'Vesta' is a well-written, lovely program that gently presents these very issues.''
However, she said, the play's title character could have learned a thing or two through her life by taking advantage of proper end-of-life planning while she had the chance.
''There is a piece of me that says that many of these decisions should have been made before then - and with good health care proxy planning, they are made before then,'' Ms. Seekings said. ''Some of these things in Vesta's life are the kind of decisions that have to be made now, where many of them could have been more easily made prior to that.''
Ms. Seekings stresses that end-of-life planning is not just for the elderly and the critically ill - it is for everyone who is over the age of 18, because accidents can happen to anyone at any time.
''I have a 25-year-old son, and he's had a health care proxy since he was 18,'' she said. ''His mother doesn't want surprises.''
For more information about the end-of-life planning and training provided by Ms. Seekings, call CCHN at 338-0010 or e-mail
seekingpeace@stny.rr.com.
''Vesta'' will be presented at 2 and 7 p.m. Friday at Park United Methodist Church, 49 Sinclair Drive in Sinclairville. Admission will be free. To make reservations or for more information, call CCHN at 338-0010.
Dave Emke, Post Journal